Hillary Sucks Obama

I’m moving away!

Earlier this week Hillary Clinton claimed to dodge bullets on her trip to Bosnia in 1996. Okay Rambo first lady…..I believe Hillary dodge bullets as much as I believe Chelsea Clinton would be featured on the front page of Maxim……..

Some psychiatrist believe that Hillary Clinton suffers from “pseudologia fantastica” which is a nice way to call a “pathological liar”. This complex is when the victim actually believes the lies they are telling….usually because they want to sound more interesting.

Oh come one…believing that Hillary Clinton will get in office is a musing of pathological liar in its own rite. This isn’t the first fantastical claim she’s made. During 911 Hillary claimed that “that she was worried when the planes hit the World Trade Center because Chelsea was jogging in the vicinity”. Chelsea later revealed that throughout the historical moment she “was staring at the television”. Even more peculiar stories that Hillary Clinton claimed she was named after Sir Edmund Hillary (first many to successfully climb Mt. Everest). Whats next? She was Joan or Arc in a past life?

Here are a few good John McCain jokes courtesy our nations best comedians: Jay Leno and  Conan O’Brien

“Obama and Hillary argued last night over which candidate the Republicans are most afraid of. Interesting. I don’t want to take sides here, but I think it’s pretty obvious which candidate Republicans are most afraid of, John McCain.” –Jay Leno

“Republican presidential candidate John McCain is in the news. John McCain says he’s trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Not only that, McCain is also trying to find his reading glasses and his car keys. … He’s an older gentleman. That’s the idea there. You’ll be hearing more of those in the next nine months, because that’s our take. Until he gets a whore.” –Conan O’Brien

 “The New York Times is claiming that John McCain, who is 71 years old, had an inappropriate relationship with a woman who is a Washington lobbyist. The good news is there’s no footage. Political experts say this could be a huge scandal for McCain because he’s married and the woman he’s accused of having an affair with is 31 years younger than he is. In a related story, earlier today McCain was endorsed by Bill Clinton.” –Conan O’Brien

“As you know, last week the big rumor, according to the New York Times, is John McCain was allegedly sleeping with a a young, attractive lobbyist. Well, that story has pretty much gone away. In fact, the only one trying to keep it alive now? John McCain.” –Jay Leno

Are you a political smartass? Do you enjoy ripping on hillary, obama or mccain? We even welcome you ever so classic George W. bashers….

Please post a comment with your best original political joke, story, parody or video. We will go ahead review the best jokes and award a $100 cash prize for best piece of comedy out there. We will also throw is some bonuses/honorable mentions to you second place crybabies out there.

Please leave your name/email address so we can pay the winner. This contest ends on April 1st so cough up commentary that makes us crack up!

Note: if you are a lazy ass copycat….we can easily find out! Originals only!

We always love Jay Leno’s political humor.   Check his small collection of one liners and short election jokes  regarding the 2008 presidential race

“Now that his potential presidential campaign is gaining strength, people are getting more and more interested in the origin of the fascinating name, Barack Obama. Turns out Barack Obama translates to ‘Hillary’s worst nightmare’” –Jay Leno“Isn’t that amazing, Obama and Cheney related? Dick Cheney now has more blacks and gays in his own family than in the entire Republican Party.” –Jay Leno

“According to the latest poll, New Hampshire voters — kind of prickly voters — are unexpectedly warming to Hillary Clinton. So, this could be the proof of global warming — Hillary thawing.” -Jay Leno“Hillary Clinton is now saying she is having second thoughts about the NAFTA agreement … which her husband supported and signed into law when he was president. … The last time Bill and Hillary had completely different interpretations of a legal document was their marriage license.” -Jay Leno

“Last night was the premiere of ‘Dancing Around The Issues,’ otherwise known as the Democratic presidential debate. … The three Democratic frontrunners said last night … that setting a timetable for complete withdrawal is irresponsible, because you can’t project what the future situation will be in Iraq and pulling out troops basically depends on the situation on the ground. Otherwise known as the ‘Bush plan.’” –Jay Leno

“John Edwards is on the campaign trail. He’s now doing something called his ‘Poverty Tour’, where he’s visiting people who have no money and no hope. In fact, his first stop today: John McCain’s headquarters.” –Jay Leno

“At the Reagan Library last night, President Bush’s name was only mentioned once … in the entire debate. But to be fair, you often don’t hear Bush’s name mentioned in libraries.” –Jay Leno

“When the Associated Press asked all the candidates what their dream job would be if they couldn’t be president, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson said his dream job would be center fielder for the New York Yankees. Joe Biden said he wanted to be an architect. And Dennis Kucinich said his dream is to grow up and one day become a real, live boy” –Jay Leno

“John Edwards apologized for his $400 haircut. He said it was a mistake … especially in the back, where they didn’t feather enough.” –Jay Leno

“Congratulations to Hillary Clinton. … She raised $26 million. Which is kind of risky, you know. If she ends up with too much money, she may have to run as a Republican.” –Jay Leno

“The big story in the presidential campaign is how much money Hillary Clinton has raised. It’s a record. She raised $26 million in the first quarter, and then shifted $10 million she had leftover from her Senate race for a total of $36 million. Hillary Clinton has so much money … John Kerry is now hitting on her.” –Jay Leno

“A big issue this year is how many of these presidential candidates are guys that have been divorced — some of them two or three times. Do you think that hurts the candidate? See, I think it gives them valuable experience. They know how to negotiate with the enemy.” –Jay Leno

“Although Hillary Clinton set the mark by raising $26 million for her presidential campaign in the first quarter of 2007, Mitt Romney, the Republican, was right behind her with $23 million. That’s something Hillary hasn’t felt in 20 years — a man breathing down her neck.” –Jay Leno

“We’re now finding out where all the candidates met their spouses. Barack Obama met his wife at a law firm. John McCain met his wife at a Naval officers’ dance. And Rudy Giuliani met his third wife when he was cheating on his first wife with his second wife.” –Jay Leno

“Democrats have a lot of choices. Hillary Clinton would be the first woman president. Bill Richardson would be the first Hispanic president. Barack Obama would be the first black president. And Dennis Kucinich would be the first hobbit president.” –Jay Leno

“Of course, the big question political experts are asking now is what role will Bill Clinton play in Hillary’s campaign. I’m guessing ‘the cheating husband.’” –Jay Leno

“John Kerry has announced he will not run for president in 2008. But, he has not ruled out losing in 2012.” –Jay Leno

“Senator Barack Obama has jumped into the presidential race. … That’s the big rumor. Barack will officially announce on the ‘Oprah’ show. I think Hillary will announce on ‘Trading Spouses,’ and of course, John Kerry will announce on ‘The Biggest Loser.’” –Jay Leno

“A new poll has Hillary Clinton coming in fourth among Democratic hopefuls in Iowa. Which is not really bad considering she came in eighth behind other women in her own home.” –Jay Leno

“Momentum continues for Barack Obama’s campaign. Actually, do you know what Barack Obama’s middle name is? Hussein. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been Kerry.” –Jay Leno

“Indiana Senator Evan Bayh announced he is starting a presidential exploratory committee. Right now the two Democrats throwing their hat in the ring are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh. To give you an idea of how unknown these guys are, their Secret Service code names are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh.” –Jay Leno

I found this joke pretty interesting:

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.

As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.

As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to
the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there
had been a terrible cave-in.

Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping
against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

‘Hello, hello!’ she shouted. ‘Can anyone hear me? Hello!’

For a long while, there was no answer.

Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, ‘Hello! Is anyone down there?’

Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from
deep within the mine.

‘Vote for Hillary! Vote for Hillary!’

Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself, and prayed, ‘Oh, thank
you God! At least Dopey is still alive.’

With a presidential election that is parody in itself, who can resist a little political fun?  This blog offers political humor that ranges from quips clean enough to be part of preacher’s sermon to downright sick twisted jokes that would make barack obama blush.   We plan to bring on every joke, quack, antic, frolic, gag, revel, wisecrack, witticism, bushism, parody enought to put SNL out of business (their newer episodes suck anyway).

So remember as our ever wise incumbent president Bush once intelligently quoted:

 “I welcome you all to say a few comments to the TV, if you care to do so.”—Inviting visiting Irish dignitaries to address the media, Washington, D.C., Dec. 7, 2007

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